white, silver and blue [ii] ashes to ashes...

before i've even lifted my finger to type the first alphabet for this post, my ah mah must have been completely and utterly ashified and urnified. my parents are supposed to collect her ashes at 2.30pm today.

the coffin was removed from the void deck after a short service at 9.45am and slid into the hearse. we trailed after the van for a short distance (50m? 'round the roundabout), mum and dad's hands on the vehicle, looking like they were powering it.

before we got on to the main road, we were ushered into the coach (booked by the undertakers: "the resting place"). the trip there felt long. the coach was probably rumbling along at a max of 60km/h, and we lost sight of the hearse at a traffic light adjacent to jurong junior college. as my sis and i sat right behind the driver, i could observe his weird antics all the way to mandai crematorium and columbarium. his lower arms were maneuvering the steering wheel, his fingers flicking the dashboard below. once in a while he would turn to his right, check out something over there, jingle a few keys, before turning his gaze back in front. he didn't seem very mentally sound to me.
on top of that, i could see cute little Buddha statues and taoist statues on the dashboard, and a shepherd Jesus on the large rear view mirror.

we were directed to hall 4 for yet another service by the 2 pastors, who alternated smoothly, one speaking in english, and the other in chinese.
we sung a hymn in hokkien.
then they proceeded to say how grieving is a natural human reaction. they continued by stating how, we can grieve with hope, while there are others who grieve, but without hope, reminding us that "your mother, mother-in-law, grandmother is now smiling at you from heaven's balconies".
"i'll tell you three reasons why we grieve, with hope," says the english-speaking pastor, whose words were quickly translated by the other.
"first, she is at rest and free from harm. second, she has gone home. third, there will be a reunion one day." here, he glanced specifically at us, the family members. he then proceeded to elaborate on his points, after which, he reiterated them again, and once more, like as we all had a test and the 100-mark question will be "Name me 3 reasons why we should grieve with hope at Choo Kim Eng's demise."
following, the family members have to stand (yet again) around the coffin, while the other relatives and friends paraded paid their last respects to my ah mah and shook or squeezed our hands. we were given white roses to place on her coffin. the lid clicked home.
that was the last anyone will ever see of Mdm Choo Kim Eng.

we were led off to the viewing hall.
on the way there, my vision started to blur. oh crap, i thought. this is bad.

there were some steps down, and a large glass panel in front. we were a floor above where the coffin will be wheeled in. the place felt like a bird park or zoo, where visitors will crowd around the glass and try to spot animals in the foliage beyond. here, the white coffin that was wheeled in was too conspicuous to miss. at the sight of it, many of us broke into tears. the sound of weeping filled the air. i started to sob myself, biting my lip wasn't doing much good.

as the staff transferred my ah mah's body from the roller to the machine (that will push the coffin into the furnace), my aunty gina started to cry "MUMMY!", her hand stretched in the direction of ah mah. the automated machine paid no heed to her cries, and dutifully rolled the white wooden box in the direction of the furnace. the doors at the far end swung open, and the coffin slipped slowly out of view. "MUMMY, SEE YOU IN HEAVEN! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN!" she wailed. the doors start to swing shut.
ashes to ashes.