Tuesday, January 01, 2008
cést mon vie
it dawned on me that i haven't exactly lived my life. not really making my own choices, not really living life to the fullest. though i'm not sure what exactly that is. since i haven't. do i make sense? i didn't have anyone i could confide in. i didn't have anyone i believe i can confide in. i didn't make anyone my confidante. or confidant. i didn't think to. it just didn't cross my mind. i didn't have close friends in poly. i don't know why i didn't have close friends in poly. i don't gel with the people there. i think i don't gel with the people there. it's all superficial talk. skin-deep smiles. it's because i don't share the passion that my classmates have. it's because i don't have their kind of freedom. it's because i don't hang out outside class time. it's because i clammed up. it's because i couldn't face myself. it's because i lacked confidence. it's because i believed many things to be impossible. it's because i'm lackadaisical. i don't do things for myself. it's amazing how much i've gone through just last year. some people feel comfortable around me. some people feel like they can confide in me. some people regard me as a best friend. it doesn't happen the other way though. my empathy is crust-deep. yes, i'm afraid that is so. i don't give a cent, i don't give a penny, i don't give a yen to what happens. much of what happens. i don't have the energy or attention span for that. i have barely enough breath left for my own exploits. bitter old lady ranting in the skin of a young girl am i. bitter.. bitter...
Monday, December 31, 2007
mon melancholy
wonder when it'll be before somebody remembers and decide to type "arinstrel.blogspot.com" in to the address bar. *wry smile* such a long time... the considerable time lapse in between my posts has to do with
a. the troublesome-ness of posting anything. i remembered my frustration at getting my posts to be visible after posting them. to no avail. not so sure about now. supposed they've improved. or was it my internet? nevermind.
b. the usual mundane-ness of my life and my lack of ability to observe interesting things around me. or rather, to take note of things and make interesting comments. commenting on comments is another thing. and i don't do that on my blog. and i don't do that on other people's blogs either, cos i have trouble even viewing the comments.
c. the lack of time [and energy] to even be online. i'm online alright [i.e. connected to the internet] all the time when i'm at work, staring into the screen of my primitive windows 98 computer, hammering out bills for other people. oh, my sis hogs the com most of the time too. i hardly have time to read. it's all my train time. yeah.
[what? it's the new year already? what a great hullabulloo they're making outside *grumble grumble*] [naah, can't be. haven't counted down yet, have they? what's so great about the new year? *mumble mumble*]
aaaaand on to life.
the usual mundane speech to all who care enough to read it.
currently rotting 9am to 6.30pm+++ at a certain bookstore in tanglin shopping centre [an ulu place selling antiques and art pieces to discerning individuals and tourists]. the books are select, and so are the prices. we do the academic tomes mostly, with some art, focusing on the asian region. amazingly, i'm now seeing how it works behind the scenes, though it ain't too much.
fishes. to think i used to like ***. as in, i used to like hanging out there. now i'm just kljKLjkjfgkl:eLKJklgfjKLj!k over it. well, actually, it's still a favourite haunt, but i got mixed feelings about it. just depends on which end you're on really. being outside the office makes all the difference. *sigh* ahh fishes.
can anyone tell me what's so happy about the new year?
*pause*
yeah, the public holiday =_=
a. the troublesome-ness of posting anything. i remembered my frustration at getting my posts to be visible after posting them. to no avail. not so sure about now. supposed they've improved. or was it my internet? nevermind.
b. the usual mundane-ness of my life and my lack of ability to observe interesting things around me. or rather, to take note of things and make interesting comments. commenting on comments is another thing. and i don't do that on my blog. and i don't do that on other people's blogs either, cos i have trouble even viewing the comments.
c. the lack of time [and energy] to even be online. i'm online alright [i.e. connected to the internet] all the time when i'm at work, staring into the screen of my primitive windows 98 computer, hammering out bills for other people. oh, my sis hogs the com most of the time too. i hardly have time to read. it's all my train time. yeah.
[what? it's the new year already? what a great hullabulloo they're making outside *grumble grumble*] [naah, can't be. haven't counted down yet, have they? what's so great about the new year? *mumble mumble*]
aaaaand on to life.
the usual mundane speech to all who care enough to read it.
currently rotting 9am to 6.30pm+++ at a certain bookstore in tanglin shopping centre [an ulu place selling antiques and art pieces to discerning individuals and tourists]. the books are select, and so are the prices. we do the academic tomes mostly, with some art, focusing on the asian region. amazingly, i'm now seeing how it works behind the scenes, though it ain't too much.
fishes. to think i used to like ***. as in, i used to like hanging out there. now i'm just kljKLjkjfgkl:eLKJklgfjKLj!k over it. well, actually, it's still a favourite haunt, but i got mixed feelings about it. just depends on which end you're on really. being outside the office makes all the difference. *sigh* ahh fishes.
can anyone tell me what's so happy about the new year?
*pause*
yeah, the public holiday =_=
Thursday, June 21, 2007
once upon a september
"here are 4 coupons for this month. once per week." beamed Queen ##. "remember to redeem before the due date."
"yes mother." said Princess ~~. "mother, can i use the toilet now?"
"why of course you can." replied Queen ##. "is it for major or minor?"
"just minor, mother," said Princess ~~, skipping towards the water closet.
~~`~~`~~`~~
"i'm done with my minor, mother," reported Princess ~~. "uuh, is it ok i use the coupon this saturday? Prince << is free.."
"the terms and conditions don't forbid weekends right?" said the Queen with a smile. "but do come back before the stroke of midnight. our citizens have been complaining about pumpkin road accidents of late."
"of course mother." Princess ~~ turned one of the coupons over and glanced at the fine print.
. good through july
. inform Queen ## and King && of appointment 1 day in advance (earlier if possible)
. inform Queen ## and King && of the other party's name
. inform Queen ## and King && of the location
. return to castle no later than midnight (inform timing if possible)
. only one coupon per week
"thank you so much!" beamed Princess ~~. "certainly certainly," replied the Queen. "anything for my dear daughter!"
[ok, i meant to publish this ages ago, but i shall do it now: 14 minutes before 2008 =.=]
"yes mother." said Princess ~~. "mother, can i use the toilet now?"
"why of course you can." replied Queen ##. "is it for major or minor?"
"just minor, mother," said Princess ~~, skipping towards the water closet.
~~`~~`~~`~~
"i'm done with my minor, mother," reported Princess ~~. "uuh, is it ok i use the coupon this saturday? Prince << is free.."
"the terms and conditions don't forbid weekends right?" said the Queen with a smile. "but do come back before the stroke of midnight. our citizens have been complaining about pumpkin road accidents of late."
"of course mother." Princess ~~ turned one of the coupons over and glanced at the fine print.
. good through july
. inform Queen ## and King && of appointment 1 day in advance (earlier if possible)
. inform Queen ## and King && of the other party's name
. inform Queen ## and King && of the location
. return to castle no later than midnight (inform timing if possible)
. only one coupon per week
"thank you so much!" beamed Princess ~~. "certainly certainly," replied the Queen. "anything for my dear daughter!"
[ok, i meant to publish this ages ago, but i shall do it now: 14 minutes before 2008 =.=]
ha zu ka shi i ><
"veronica, i need you to check the prices of posting these through registered mail and courier.." C handed me a white box (13x13x18cm).
"prices for registered mail and courier.." i echoed.
"yes, what courier can you use?" C asked.
"speedlink..?"
"yah. check the prices for these too." 2 brown envelopes were passed to me.
"so.. do i send these out immediately?" i asked.
C looked at me, and with that same level tone of voice that was not hostile but not very amicable either said "look at the envelopes. can you tell me what's wrong with them?"
i looked. very briefly. "um, can you just tell me?"
"there's no address."
"oh." was my intelligent response. the floor didn't swallow me up.
"prices for registered mail and courier.." i echoed.
"yes, what courier can you use?" C asked.
"speedlink..?"
"yah. check the prices for these too." 2 brown envelopes were passed to me.
"so.. do i send these out immediately?" i asked.
C looked at me, and with that same level tone of voice that was not hostile but not very amicable either said "look at the envelopes. can you tell me what's wrong with them?"
i looked. very briefly. "um, can you just tell me?"
"there's no address."
"oh." was my intelligent response. the floor didn't swallow me up.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Sweep Hack Drain
phew. can anyone smell that? horrible stench in here. i know, it's my fault. having left this bit of space turn into a swamp. but isn't that mudskipper over there just adorable interesting? haha. ok, someone just bugged me to drain the swamp, so i gotta. *squeaking of tap being turned*
psssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh~~~~~~
let's start from my current status and work backwards.
the 10 to 10 job is now a was . I'm currently stationed in bugis, workin' a delightful 9.45am to 6pm, which is like about 8 hours? minus off makan time and plus abit of unpaid OT and you get 8 hours. far cry from the 12 hours i clocked in the past, not forgetting the tuition AND preparation for tuition. and no tubes (oh joy!).
so what the hell do i do in these 8 hours? well, basically coordination for promoters and certain ongoing projects. then there's some clerical work, and layout (for POPM = point of purchase materials). downside is, food is certainly steeper here. expect a plate of main to cost about $3+? then a drink, which would be $1+. so it's $4++. over at JE, i usually get a vegetarian meal for $2.30. if i want a drink, i can pop over to ntuc and buy perhaps ice cool drinks (2 for $1.55, usually). that's a total of $3.10 a meal. rant rant. ok lar, i know it's just about a dollar's difference (or 2), but seeing the 4 in the figure irks me. haha.
back along the x axis... i was in australia. brisbane to be exact. was there for close to 2 weeks. there was kathy and peter, friends of my parents', and there's helensvale, where theircottage bungalow house abode is. it's really nice. cozy's the word. walls in pastel yellow and blue, cheery curtains and lace hangings, pleasant scents throughout the house, comfortable beds and duvets with a nice smell of fresh laundry, paintings in every room and in the corridor, self made mobiles on curtains, a pool outside, a view of helensvale golf arena outside. ain't that just great? not too mention, it's a cooling temperature of about 20 degress celsius every day (it was winter).
oh yah, there's a linen closet, just like in enid blyton books! (well, english books, at least)kathy works at helensvale golf club. she just walks there or she can drive her buggy right out the buggy garage and onto the golf course.
i tendered my resignation for art-serve. well, i didn't get to finish all my experiments but whatever. went back one afternoon to pass a movie world souvenir to sally aunty and saw the new girl picking out letters for tubes. wonder if she's got a design graduate and how long she'll last...
well, that's basically the whole graph in general. ok, swamp drained. *punches card and leave* =]
psssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh~~~~~~
let's start from my current status and work backwards.
the 10 to 10 job is now a was . I'm currently stationed in bugis, workin' a delightful 9.45am to 6pm, which is like about 8 hours? minus off makan time and plus abit of unpaid OT and you get 8 hours. far cry from the 12 hours i clocked in the past, not forgetting the tuition AND preparation for tuition. and no tubes (oh joy!).
so what the hell do i do in these 8 hours? well, basically coordination for promoters and certain ongoing projects. then there's some clerical work, and layout (for POPM = point of purchase materials). downside is, food is certainly steeper here. expect a plate of main to cost about $3+? then a drink, which would be $1+. so it's $4++. over at JE, i usually get a vegetarian meal for $2.30. if i want a drink, i can pop over to ntuc and buy perhaps ice cool drinks (2 for $1.55, usually). that's a total of $3.10 a meal. rant rant. ok lar, i know it's just about a dollar's difference (or 2), but seeing the 4 in the figure irks me. haha.
back along the x axis... i was in australia. brisbane to be exact. was there for close to 2 weeks. there was kathy and peter, friends of my parents', and there's helensvale, where their
oh yah, there's a linen closet, just like in enid blyton books! (well, english books, at least)kathy works at helensvale golf club. she just walks there or she can drive her buggy right out the buggy garage and onto the golf course.
i tendered my resignation for art-serve. well, i didn't get to finish all my experiments but whatever. went back one afternoon to pass a movie world souvenir to sally aunty and saw the new girl picking out letters for tubes. wonder if she's got a design graduate and how long she'll last...
well, that's basically the whole graph in general. ok, swamp drained. *punches card and leave* =]
Thursday, March 29, 2007
trickle
listening to Epilogue [Relief] by Apocalyptica.
if procrastination is the thief of time, what is a 10 to 10 job? on top of that, i'm tutoring a young taiwanese boy english. phonics, to be exact. at least, for now.
i've hardly any time for myself. reading a novel takes ages. [currently still on "with a tangled skein"]
pros
. near
. my choice of off days >> able to continue tutoring >> able to go back to SPCO
. affable boss
. not so stressful environment (when compared to a design house, or something)
cons
. long hours
. meagre pay
. hardly any time left for myself
. lack of better prospects stemming from current position (?)
i know this is stupid, but what i really want is to work in a bookshop. maybe i'll set up one in future. in the west. maybe JE. *laughs* yeah... and it'll be those 2nd hand sort.
speaking of bookshops, i recently bagged 10 books for $1 each!i feel so proud of myself
. blue adept
. question quest
. demons don't dream
. the letters
. grim tuesday
. point blanc
. the demon headmaster
. the prime minister's brain
. tris' book
. street magic
and i got animal farm for $3.50 *beams*
think my clients would be happy.
trickle, and today becomes tomorrow, which in turn, can no longer be tomorrow, but today, since tomorrow never actually comes. sleep beckons.
if procrastination is the thief of time, what is a 10 to 10 job? on top of that, i'm tutoring a young taiwanese boy english. phonics, to be exact. at least, for now.
i've hardly any time for myself. reading a novel takes ages. [currently still on "with a tangled skein"]
pros
. near
. my choice of off days >> able to continue tutoring >> able to go back to SPCO
. affable boss
. not so stressful environment (when compared to a design house, or something)
cons
. long hours
. meagre pay
. hardly any time left for myself
. lack of better prospects stemming from current position (?)
i know this is stupid, but what i really want is to work in a bookshop. maybe i'll set up one in future. in the west. maybe JE. *laughs* yeah... and it'll be those 2nd hand sort.
speaking of bookshops, i recently bagged 10 books for $1 each!
. blue adept
. question quest
. demons don't dream
. the letters
. grim tuesday
. point blanc
. the demon headmaster
. the prime minister's brain
. tris' book
. street magic
and i got animal farm for $3.50 *beams*
think my clients would be happy.
trickle, and today becomes tomorrow, which in turn, can no longer be tomorrow, but today, since tomorrow never actually comes. sleep beckons.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
the closing of a chapter
9am. that was supposed to be the reporting time. just as the minute hand pounced on '3', she shuffled into the grounds of the national library, her sling bag bumping clumsily against her skirt, causing some discomfort to her thigh.
the place was hushed, though there were a few diners at Hans. up ahead, she could see the panels already set up. a few people were about, fiddling with the sound equipment. there was no sign of her coursemates. turning towards the glass doors of the library, she sighed. the library wasn't open yet either. the chairs near the counter were, nevertheless, accessible. she waddled towards them.
time trickled as she stared into space. the black cushioned chairs were quite comfortable, but she forced herself up to check if any of her coursemates had arrived.
"i have to print something," said yixiu. iz had also arrived! at least there were three dcmd souls. she tailed them to sunshine plaza, pausing a moment to inspect her reflection in the glass of nlb; a bespectacled girl in a blue blouse and light brown skirt, a sling bag, soft slip-on shoes, and two ponytails. yep, she nodded, could have passed for a secondary student, and allowed herself a private smile.
she did what she did best in the 'double a' shop at sunshine plaza... rot. but simply rotting became boring and before the decaying spread to her mind, she decided to take a gander at shops in the vicinity. there was one sporting anime goods and she pressed her nose to the glass for a long while... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
back to the double a shop she went. her friends have yet to settle their printing business. the A0 boards wouldn't be ready till later. sighing, she exited sunshine plaza and made for book haven again. this time, it would be open.
for a long time she stayed. the library was a refuge. the calm in the chaos. the eye in the hurricane. the blind to her worries of her future and career.
after a few hours had transpired, she stepped outside anyway. the boards have arrived. she looked at hers and grimaced. sucks like shitcrap, she thought. pieced together in a morning in a slapdash manner. nobody will want to hire me. i'm just not good enough. she knelt on the carpet and helped velcro-ed the boards anyway.
opening night dusked upon the DCMD and DID students. she donned the black t-shirt (borrowed) and the black lanyard, careful not to wander near her panel. with a heavy heart, she bided her time till dinner came, fed, and left, eager to put distance between herself and her nondescript exhibit...
as you can see, the undesigner is trying her hand at meddling with the code she sees in blogger, with little success. yep, just a little. don't even know what i have in mind actually. aha.
the place was hushed, though there were a few diners at Hans. up ahead, she could see the panels already set up. a few people were about, fiddling with the sound equipment. there was no sign of her coursemates. turning towards the glass doors of the library, she sighed. the library wasn't open yet either. the chairs near the counter were, nevertheless, accessible. she waddled towards them.
time trickled as she stared into space. the black cushioned chairs were quite comfortable, but she forced herself up to check if any of her coursemates had arrived.
"i have to print something," said yixiu. iz had also arrived! at least there were three dcmd souls. she tailed them to sunshine plaza, pausing a moment to inspect her reflection in the glass of nlb; a bespectacled girl in a blue blouse and light brown skirt, a sling bag, soft slip-on shoes, and two ponytails. yep, she nodded, could have passed for a secondary student, and allowed herself a private smile.
she did what she did best in the 'double a' shop at sunshine plaza... rot. but simply rotting became boring and before the decaying spread to her mind, she decided to take a gander at shops in the vicinity. there was one sporting anime goods and she pressed her nose to the glass for a long while... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
back to the double a shop she went. her friends have yet to settle their printing business. the A0 boards wouldn't be ready till later. sighing, she exited sunshine plaza and made for book haven again. this time, it would be open.
for a long time she stayed. the library was a refuge. the calm in the chaos. the eye in the hurricane. the blind to her worries of her future and career.
after a few hours had transpired, she stepped outside anyway. the boards have arrived. she looked at hers and grimaced. sucks like shitcrap, she thought. pieced together in a morning in a slapdash manner. nobody will want to hire me. i'm just not good enough. she knelt on the carpet and helped velcro-ed the boards anyway.
opening night dusked upon the DCMD and DID students. she donned the black t-shirt (borrowed) and the black lanyard, careful not to wander near her panel. with a heavy heart, she bided her time till dinner came, fed, and left, eager to put distance between herself and her nondescript exhibit...
as you can see, the undesigner is trying her hand at meddling with the code she sees in blogger, with little success. yep, just a little. don't even know what i have in mind actually. aha.
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