| Arinstrel | artist. linguist. minstrel.

cést mon vie

2008-01-01T21:57:00.000+08:00

it dawned on me that i haven't exactly lived my life. not really making my own choices, not really living life to the fullest. though i'm not sure what exactly that is. since i haven't. do i make sense? i didn't have anyone i could confide in. i didn't have anyone i believe i can confide in. i didn't make anyone my confidante. or confidant. i didn't think to. it just didn't cross my mind. i didn't have close friends in poly. i don't know why i didn't have close friends in poly. i don't gel with the people there. i think i don't gel with the people there. it's all superficial talk. skin-deep smiles. it's because i don't share the passion that my classmates have. it's because i don't have their kind of freedom. it's because i don't hang out outside class time. it's because i clammed up. it's because i couldn't face myself. it's because i lacked confidence. it's because i believed many things to be impossible. it's because i'm lackadaisical. i don't do things for myself. it's amazing how much i've gone through just last year. some people feel comfortable around me. some people feel like they can confide in me. some people regard me as a best friend. it doesn't happen the other way though. my empathy is crust-deep. yes, i'm afraid that is so. i don't give a cent, i don't give a penny, i don't give a yen to what happens. much of what happens. i don't have the energy or attention span for that. i have barely enough breath left for my own exploits. bitter old lady ranting in the skin of a young girl am i. bitter.. bitter...

mon melancholy

2007-12-31T23:47:00.000+08:00

wonder when it'll be before somebody remembers and decide to type "arinstrel.blogspot.com" in to the address bar. *wry smile* such a long time... the considerable time lapse in between my posts has to do with
a. the troublesome-ness of posting anything. i remembered my frustration at getting my posts to be visible after posting them. to no avail. not so sure about now. supposed they've improved. or was it my internet? nevermind.
b. the usual mundane-ness of my life and my lack of ability to observe interesting things around me. or rather, to take note of things and make interesting comments. commenting on comments is another thing. and i don't do that on my blog. and i don't do that on other people's blogs either, cos i have trouble even viewing the comments.
c. the lack of time [and energy] to even be online. i'm online alright [i.e. connected to the internet] all the time when i'm at work, staring into the screen of my primitive windows 98 computer, hammering out bills for other people. oh, my sis hogs the com most of the time too. i hardly have time to read. it's all my train time. yeah.
[what? it's the new year already? what a great hullabulloo they're making outside *grumble grumble*] [naah, can't be. haven't counted down yet, have they? what's so great about the new year? *mumble mumble*]

aaaaand on to life.

the usual mundane speech to all who care enough to read it.
currently rotting 9am to 6.30pm+++ at a certain bookstore in tanglin shopping centre [an ulu place selling antiques and art pieces to discerning individuals and tourists]. the books are select, and so are the prices. we do the academic tomes mostly, with some art, focusing on the asian region. amazingly, i'm now seeing how it works behind the scenes, though it ain't too much.
fishes. to think i used to like ***. as in, i used to like hanging out there. now i'm just kljKLjkjfgkl:eLKJklgfjKLj!k over it. well, actually, it's still a favourite haunt, but i got mixed feelings about it. just depends on which end you're on really. being outside the office makes all the difference. *sigh* ahh fishes.

can anyone tell me what's so happy about the new year?
*pause*
yeah, the public holiday =_=

once upon a september

2007-06-21T22:56:00.000+08:00

"here are 4 coupons for this month. once per week." beamed Queen ##. "remember to redeem before the due date."

"yes mother." said Princess ~~. "mother, can i use the toilet now?"

"why of course you can." replied Queen ##. "is it for major or minor?"

"just minor, mother," said Princess ~~, skipping towards the water closet.

~~`~~`~~`~~

"i'm done with my minor, mother," reported Princess ~~. "uuh, is it ok i use the coupon this saturday? Prince << is free.."

"the terms and conditions don't forbid weekends right?" said the Queen with a smile. "but do come back before the stroke of midnight. our citizens have been complaining about pumpkin road accidents of late."

"of course mother." Princess ~~ turned one of the coupons over and glanced at the fine print.

. good through july
. inform Queen ## and King && of appointment 1 day in advance (earlier if possible)
. inform Queen ## and King && of the other party's name
. inform Queen ## and King && of the location
. return to castle no later than midnight (inform timing if possible)
. only one coupon per week

"thank you so much!" beamed Princess ~~. "certainly certainly," replied the Queen. "anything for my dear daughter!"

[ok, i meant to publish this ages ago, but i shall do it now: 14 minutes before 2008 =.=]

ha zu ka shi i ><

2007-06-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

"veronica, i need you to check the prices of posting these through registered mail and courier.." C handed me a white box (13x13x18cm).

"prices for registered mail and courier.." i echoed.

"yes, what courier can you use?" C asked.

"speedlink..?"

"yah. check the prices for these too." 2 brown envelopes were passed to me.

"so.. do i send these out immediately?" i asked.

C looked at me, and with that same level tone of voice that was not hostile but not very amicable either said "look at the envelopes. can you tell me what's wrong with them?"

i looked. very briefly. "um, can you just tell me?"

"there's no address."

"oh." was my intelligent response. the floor didn't swallow me up.

Sweep Hack Drain

2007-06-16T22:54:00.000+08:00

phew. can anyone smell that? horrible stench in here. i know, it's my fault. having left this bit of space turn into a swamp. but isn't that mudskipper over there just ~~adorable~~ interesting? haha. ok, someone just bugged me to drain the swamp, so i gotta. *squeaking of tap being turned*
psssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh~~~~~~

let's start from my current status and work backwards.

the 10 to 10 job is now a was . I'm currently stationed in bugis, workin' a delightful 9.45am to 6pm, which is like about 8 hours? minus off makan time and plus abit of unpaid OT and you get 8 hours. far cry from the 12 hours i clocked in the past, not forgetting the tuition AND preparation for tuition. and no tubes (oh joy!).
so what the hell do i do in these 8 hours? well, basically coordination for promoters and certain ongoing projects. then there's some clerical work, and layout (for POPM = point of purchase materials). downside is, food is certainly steeper here. expect a plate of main to cost about $3+? then a drink, which would be $1+. so it's $4++. over at JE, i usually get a vegetarian meal for $2.30. if i want a drink, i can pop over to ntuc and buy perhaps ice cool drinks (2 for $1.55, usually). that's a total of $3.10 a meal. rant rant. ok lar, i know it's just about a dollar's difference (or 2), but seeing the 4 in the figure irks me. haha.

back along the x axis... i was in australia. brisbane to be exact. was there for close to 2 weeks. there was kathy and peter, friends of my parents', and there's helensvale, where their ~~cottage~~ ~~bungalow~~ ~~house~~ abode is. it's really nice. cozy's the word. walls in pastel yellow and blue, cheery curtains and lace hangings, pleasant scents throughout the house, comfortable beds and duvets with a nice smell of fresh laundry, paintings in every room and in the corridor, self made mobiles on curtains, a pool outside, a view of helensvale golf arena outside. ain't that just great? not too mention, it's a cooling temperature of about 20 degress celsius every day (it was winter).
oh yah, there's a linen closet, just like in enid blyton books! (well, english books, at least)kathy works at helensvale golf club. she just walks there or she can drive her buggy right out the buggy garage and onto the golf course.

i tendered my resignation for art-serve. well, i didn't get to finish all my experiments but whatever. went back one afternoon to pass a movie world souvenir to sally aunty and saw the new girl picking out letters for tubes. wonder if she's got a design graduate and how long she'll last...

well, that's basically the whole graph in general. ok, swamp drained. *punches card and leave* =]

trickle

2007-03-29T00:04:00.001+08:00

listening to Epilogue [Relief] by Apocalyptica.

if procrastination is the thief of time, what is a 10 to 10 job? on top of that, i'm tutoring a young taiwanese boy english. phonics, to be exact. at least, for now.
i've hardly any time for myself. reading a novel takes ages. [currently still on "with a tangled skein"]

pros
. near
. my choice of off days >> able to continue tutoring >> able to go back to SPCO
. affable boss
. not so stressful environment (when compared to a design house, or something)

cons
. long hours
. meagre pay
. hardly any time left for myself
. lack of better prospects stemming from current position (?)

i know this is stupid, but what i really want is to work in a bookshop. maybe i'll set up one in future. in the west. maybe JE. *laughs* yeah... and it'll be those 2nd hand sort.

speaking of bookshops, i recently bagged 10 books for $1 each! ~~i feel so proud of myself~~
. blue adept
. question quest
. demons don't dream
. the letters
. grim tuesday
. point blanc
. the demon headmaster
. the prime minister's brain
. tris' book
. street magic
and i got animal farm for $3.50 *beams*
think my clients would be happy.

trickle, and today becomes tomorrow, which in turn, can no longer be tomorrow, but today, since tomorrow never actually comes. sleep beckons.

fallen angel

2007-03-10T20:38:00.000+08:00

the closing of a chapter

2007-03-05T22:55:00.000+08:00

9am. that was supposed to be the reporting time. just as the minute hand pounced on '3', she shuffled into the grounds of the national library, her sling bag bumping clumsily against her skirt, causing some discomfort to her thigh.
the place was hushed, though there were a few diners at Hans. up ahead, she could see the panels already set up. a few people were about, fiddling with the sound equipment. there was no sign of her coursemates. turning towards the glass doors of the library, she sighed. the library wasn't open yet either. the chairs near the counter were, nevertheless, accessible. she waddled towards them.

time trickled as she stared into space. the black cushioned chairs were quite comfortable, but she forced herself up to check if any of her coursemates had arrived.

"i have to print something," said yixiu. iz had also arrived! at least there were three dcmd souls. she tailed them to sunshine plaza, pausing a moment to inspect her reflection in the glass of nlb; a bespectacled girl in a blue blouse and light brown skirt, a sling bag, soft slip-on shoes, and two ponytails. yep, she nodded, could have passed for a secondary student, and allowed herself a private smile.

she did what she did best in the 'double a' shop at sunshine plaza... rot. but simply rotting became boring and before the decaying spread to her mind, she decided to take a gander at shops in the vicinity. there was one sporting anime goods and she pressed her nose to the glass for a long while... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

back to the double a shop she went. her friends have yet to settle their printing business. the A0 boards wouldn't be ready till later. sighing, she exited sunshine plaza and made for book haven again. this time, it would be open.

for a long time she stayed. the library was a refuge. the calm in the chaos. the eye in the hurricane. the blind to her worries of her future and career.

after a few hours had transpired, she stepped outside anyway. the boards have arrived. she looked at hers and grimaced. sucks like shitcrap, she thought. pieced together in a morning in a slapdash manner. nobody will want to hire me. i'm just not good enough. she knelt on the carpet and helped velcro-ed the boards anyway.

opening night dusked upon the DCMD and DID students. she donned the black t-shirt (borrowed) and the black lanyard, careful not to wander near her panel. with a heavy heart, she bided her time till dinner came, fed, and left, eager to put distance between herself and her nondescript exhibit...

as you can see, the undesigner is trying her hand at meddling with the code she sees in blogger, with little success. yep, just a little. don't even know what i have in mind actually. aha.

Scientifically Scrawling I

2007-01-25T11:17:00.000+08:00

SR GR superstring BHs XDDD

colorgenics

2007-01-23T10:01:00.000+08:00

You are setting yourself an illusory goal. Whatever it was that has made you so bitterly disappointed has left a nasty taste in your mouth and you feel that 'enough is enough'. You are sick of it all. Wouldn't it just be wonderful if you could retire to a desert island and turn your back on the past? But it's an illusion and you know it. [true for a number of things]

At this time you 'need to be needed' and again you 'need to need'. You have had this feeling for some time now and you are looking for someone who could share a close bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy. You have the belief that with the right person you could conquer the world. [no intention to conquer the world]

It's the old old story - I am misunderstood - my partner (be it in your private life or in business) just doesn't understand me and YOU also believe at this time that you are being completely MISUNDERSTOOD by one and all. It then obviously follows that you naturally feel inhibited and not appreciated. It is perhaps because of this belief that you feel compelled to stand back and let the rest of the world go by. As for developing a firm relationship - inwardly deep down in your subconscious mind you are wary of even trying to get close to another person because you feel that if you open up your heart and feelings you are sure to get hurt. [i'm afraid of getting my partner hurt] Since you are living in a society where close relationships are the norm, you feel that there is that need to conform [naah, there isn't], but any close relationships of any magnitude that you may have tried in the past have unfortunately left you without any sense of emotional involvement.

Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety. You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. [true for a few facets of my life, heh] Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress. [you're telling me] You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault - you have been misled and abused by those that you trusted, [naah, it was really my fault] but you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification? [whatever, i didn't self-justify meself]

You are completely worn out - physically and mentally - and it has got to the stage where 'you don't want to participate anymore'. You are in fact experiencing what is known as 'burnout' and your reaction is such that you feel that everyone is against you yet you still seem to refuse to listen to reason. You are hostile, bitter and indignant. You insist that you want and are entitled to your own way - well maybe you are, but your attitude is not conducive to making friends. Take it easy. Let go and get back into the World.

Save ________

2007-01-17T10:12:00.000+08:00

That age old question:
IF you see your spouse and your mum (or dad) drowning, and you can only save one person, who would you save?

Answer:
If i jump into the waters, it'll probably be a worse dilemma for the next person to come along!

Linguistically Speaking IV

2007-01-17T10:09:00.000+08:00

小说 = small talk ?

oh, the joys of direct translation XDDD (ok, not really direct)
can't get enough of it XD

Phew!

2007-01-15T21:44:00.000+08:00

Phew! It's over! What a relief!

The past few days have seen me totally stressed out and appetite-less. I mean, i get hungry, but i can't seem to get anything down my throat. I keep telling myself that it's only a few bars but my body can't seem to understand that. Stress, stress, stress.

On that day itself [14*01*07, sunday], during the rehearsal, i got the solo parts right for the 1st time, but when it was the 2nd time everything was 超不准!! Had to mark the 6, 1, and 2 notes (G 调) on my erhu with liling's marker. Hah! And i didn't rehearse the shouxi custom, the whole walk-into-stage-after-everyone-is-seated and gesture-for-the-sheng-to-play-A-D-A part. Heck, i didn't even know it was ADA, asked the conducter at the 59th minute.

Luckily, nothing went awry during the actual performance. The qizhou was ok, except for the 1st page of 奔驰在千里草原, there was one part where i felt it was a bit 乱. Ok lah, no biggie. The xylophone was a little slow for 骏马奔驰, but well, guess we can overlook that.

Thanks to DY, HL, JY, YF, William, Wang Lau Shi, Mr Lee, all guest players and alumni! WHeeet! Success!!

Now i can rest easy. Hah~~~

Wait, no, there's still projects. &^%)&^)(*&_%*$!!!! T-T

houdinia

2007-01-15T12:07:00.000+08:00

tofu

2007-01-10T10:26:00.000+08:00

Mother Turkey: We're having tofu human this thanksgiving!
Children: Awwww shucks!

suuuuuuuuuuuucks

2007-01-10T10:19:00.000+08:00

It was past midnight.
My mum came into the study.
"Not sleeping?" she asked. "Is that due tomorrow?"
"No", i said, clicking about in Dreamweaver. It was due yesterday.

今

2007-01-04T12:59:00.000+08:00

a rosy outlook on my life at the current coordinates. the graph that started at (0,0)[1987] with a sketchy line drawn up to "shuqun primary school", continuing up to "swiss cottage secondary school", and then for a brief time "jurong junior college" before spanning across the (nearly) 3 years of ~~slacking~~ studying at singapore polytechnic. right after the line travels to "graduation", i'll find myself at the next set of coordinates marked "unemployment". unless someone above decides to mark "death" first. yay.

yesterday saw the 2nd last practice before the big day. the concert was postponed and postponed [oh yeah, the brother of the long P word i'm very well acquainted with] until 2007. if they had postponed it any longer, i would be considered "alumni" already. well, what can i say, the dazu songs lian until quite lan already, and the erhu qizhou songs... well 7788 lah, more or less. the hu guess players are quite "zai" but we need to get the coordination right [yeah yeah, i come into the picture here, obviously, i can't lead], need to sync with the yangqin as well. yay. i'm the shouxi of 3 SPCO hu players [including myself] and a host of guest players. in fact, they make up the majority. *smiles* well, it's duo kui ta men for this concert. *bows* thanks to ye all!!

yay! i'm all set to screw up the concert! feel my optimism!!

Pre-Hypothesis

2007-01-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

the number of people in a shop is inversely proportionate to the price of the items

people tend to have left partings (hair)

[that's all for now, my bed turns into yam cake if i don't sleep by 12 (when i'm not doing homework)]

[note: first post this year! XD]

my life so far

2006-11-05T00:34:00.000+08:00

>> this post as well, a victim of the long P word

haven't been posting for some time, even though a number of events streamed past my life, with Death on a raft, bypassing me at least twice.

i) on my way home from co practice, the train juddered to a stop, it's front half adjacent to the platform of Chinese Garden, the other half still out. there was a long pause, before most of the lights went out. the commuters were stuck inside for quite some time, ~~the only entertainment being the MRT staff running around outside and communicating with walkie talkies~~. We were then told to head to the head of the train. We exited at the first door. We hung around, not quite sure of what to do until the they announced that there would be no more train service from jurong east to boon lay.

i went to the ground floor of the station. there were sounds of sirens in the air. Everywhere, heads turned in the general direction of the main road as we all tried to make sense of the situation. i haven't a clue what happened, but policemen and civil defence people were rushing in.

i called dad and asked if he could come on his motorbike to bring me home; but he declined [found out later that he has downed quite a substantial amount of beer]. he told me to take a cab instead, but there was already a long queue at the stand. what's more, the spaces were, at that moment, being occupied by police cars (or was it civil defence vehicles? forgot).

i walked home.

the next day, i came to know what had transpired. someone had committed suicide by jumping onto the tracks just as the train (the very one i was on) came into the station.
he couldn't foot his medical bills, on top of that, he had had rent to pay and a family to feed. thus, he quit the game of life.
when the news was out, donations poured in to aid the family of the deceased. he could have lived, really.

ii) there was still some li (pear) left in the bowl. i presumed they were my mother's, so i took them to her room, wanting to proffer the fruit to her. the master bedroom toilet door was shut, there was a strange moaning coming from within. i've never heard my mum cry in pain, so the moans sounded foreign to my ears.
"mum...?" i asked.
"jiao papa," she said, her voice soft and laboured. "hen tong~~~"
i called dad.
my mind was a blur as i went back to reading my book [Drowned Wednesday by Garth Nix] but i could hardly concentrate as the moaning continued, accompanied by my dad's voice as he tried to comfort my mum.

we called the ambulance [the emergency "995" please-get-your-ass-here-this-instant-995], but they took about 10+ minutes, i think. during that worrying 10+ minutes, my sis and i paved a way in our house for efficiency by opening the side panels of the gate and door, and shifting the carpet and sofa aside.
the ambulance people arrived, bringing with them a stretcher and heavy equipment; they stepped right into our house with their shoes on. stomped into the master bedroom, where my mum lay lying on the bed with dad seated at her side, the dim lamp casting feeble yellowish light on this gut-twisting, sickening atmoshphere. then they proceeded to ask calmly and none too quickly, if my mum had fever or high blood pressure, and any other pre-existing illnesses, while mum was still crying out in pain. if you look above us that moment, you would probably see large bursting speech bubbles saying "GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!! $#(^$)!*@^$)(*!^@$!!!!"
Mum was transferred onto the stretcher and pa followed them to the ambulance.
Silence reigned in the house as my sis and i looked at one another and simply shrugged. dad probably wouldn't be back that night either.

luckily, it wasn't a big issue. we went to NUH the next day (or was it next next day?), on Deepavali. Mum had some problem with her instestines, something about food remains or something that lined the inner wall of her intestines, turning into ancient crust something something something that caused her pain. the follow-up treatment saw her drinking lactulose, this substance that's supposed to soften your stools. they encouraged more dietary fibre as well.

white, silver and blue [ii] ashes to ashes...

2006-10-12T15:11:00.000+08:00

before i've even lifted my finger to type the first alphabet for this post, my ah mah must have been completely and utterly ashified and urnified. my parents are supposed to collect her ashes at 2.30pm today.

the coffin was removed from the void deck after a short service at 9.45am and slid into the hearse. we trailed after the van for a short distance (50m? 'round the roundabout), mum and dad's hands on the vehicle, looking like they were powering it.

before we got on to the main road, we were ushered into the coach (booked by the undertakers: "the resting place"). the trip there felt long. the coach was probably rumbling along at a max of 60km/h, and we lost sight of the hearse at a traffic light adjacent to jurong junior college. as my sis and i sat right behind the driver, i could observe his weird antics all the way to mandai crematorium and columbarium. his lower arms were maneuvering the steering wheel, his fingers flicking the dashboard below. once in a while he would turn to his right, check out something over there, jingle a few keys, before turning his gaze back in front. he didn't seem very mentally sound to me.
on top of that, i could see cute little Buddha statues and taoist statues on the dashboard, and a shepherd Jesus on the large rear view mirror.

we were directed to hall 4 for yet another service by the 2 pastors, who alternated smoothly, one speaking in english, and the other in chinese.
we sung a hymn in hokkien.
then they proceeded to say how grieving is a natural human reaction. they continued by stating how, we can grieve with hope, while there are others who grieve, but without hope, reminding us that "your mother, mother-in-law, grandmother is now smiling at you from heaven's balconies".
"i'll tell you three reasons why we grieve, with hope," says the english-speaking pastor, whose words were quickly translated by the other.
"first, she is at rest and free from harm. second, she has gone home. third, there will be a reunion one day." here, he glanced specifically at us, the family members. he then proceeded to elaborate on his points, after which, he reiterated them again, and once more, like as we all had a test and the 100-mark question will be "Name me 3 reasons why we should grieve with hope at Choo Kim Eng's demise."
following, the family members have to stand (yet again) around the coffin, while the other relatives and friends ~~paraded~~ paid their last respects to my ah mah and shook or squeezed our hands. we were given white roses to place on her coffin. the lid clicked home.
that was the last anyone will ever see of Mdm Choo Kim Eng.

we were led off to the viewing hall.
on the way there, my vision started to blur. oh crap, i thought. this is bad.

there were some steps down, and a large glass panel in front. we were a floor above where the coffin will be wheeled in. the place felt like a bird park or zoo, where visitors will crowd around the glass and try to spot animals in the foliage beyond. here, the white coffin that was wheeled in was too conspicuous to miss. at the sight of it, many of us broke into tears. the sound of weeping filled the air. i started to sob myself, biting my lip wasn't doing much good.

as the staff transferred my ah mah's body from the roller to the machine (that will push the coffin into the furnace), my aunty gina started to cry "MUMMY!", her hand stretched in the direction of ah mah. the automated machine paid no heed to her cries, and dutifully rolled the white wooden box in the direction of the furnace. the doors at the far end swung open, and the coffin slipped slowly out of view. "MUMMY, SEE YOU IN HEAVEN! SEE YOU IN HEAVEN!" she wailed. the doors start to swing shut.
ashes to ashes.

white, silver and blue

2006-10-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

my ah mah breathed her last on Sunday 8*10*2006, 1430hrs. she went peacefully in a catholic hospice at Thomson.
her coffin now lies at blk 355. it's white, with a few small silver angels. her head and her shoulders were visible beneath the glass. there were stretches of white cloth on three sides, blue light casted on them from the bottom.
clusters of galaxies of relatives / friends came. there was a christian service just now. understandably, they made everyone teary. just like the other time, when it was my grandfather. i escaped it. had rehearsal for the performance tomorrow- hold on, it's today. yah, it took like 3 hours, of which, at least 2 hours was just sitting around waiting for something to happen.
anyway, i believe ah mah was a good person, though i was kinda afraid of her. she was less intimidating during the days when she was plagued with the disease that finally took her life: breast cancer.
cancer. *shudders
found out a few days ago that my friend's mum also has breast cancer. that word sends tingles down my spine.

私の誕生日

2006-09-30T23:47:00.000+08:00

what can get better than this? XD
十二国記公式アニメガイド！
this ranks 1st. (thanks ling! thanks jonasan!)
next is my erhu, which is my 2001 birthday present from mum and ah ma and cost $290.

i got "ella enchanted" (from a book by Gail Carson Levine)(not sure about the order) from yume, and "Helen the baby fox" (子ぎつねヘレン) from my imouto. like cool! 've been wanting to watch them. xoule gave me the usual: a bar of toblerone. tradition, he says. mail from uncle gerd: a beautiful butterfly card with €30 tucked neatly inside a mini envelope on the cover. had a pink shirt from junie and a cute card with the grey bear (whatsitcalled?), there even a sticker on the envelope that reads "がんばったね" (ganbatta ne).
みんなさん、本当にありがとう！　(minna san, hontouni arigatou!)

been slacking the whole day. after leaving school, i popped down to bras brasah to get 千斤 for my 二胡. the inner string broke a few days ago, and the 千斤 has certainly seen better days. alighted at bugis, took a gander around bugis street(?) for hair accessories, and detoured to the library, before actually stepping through the doors of karl heng enterprise. i didn't know which to get; the softer one or the more durable 千斤, the person recommended the hardier one (which cost $2 more) and i erm, obliged. [soft=$1, hard=$3]
downstairs, at the ground floor of bras basah complex, i was accosted by this young lady trying to get me to donate to a certain "New Hope Community Services", and while she was babbling away in rapid mandarin why i should hand $10 to her, i was looking at the green card, eyes scanning it for all the information i need. oh well, when i walked away from bras basah, i was one ($10) note lighter, suddenly regreting my decision to part with my cash and hoping fervently that it wasn't just some bogus charity organisation.

父と母 started their char kway teow business downstairs that afternoon. it was totally weird seeing my parents inside the stall, tending to customers. just downright weird.

overall, it was a good day. but i forgot to make a wish. wonder if it's still valid. hm... world peace?

net force

2006-09-24T15:59:00.000+08:00

If the earth were to stop spinning suddenly, would we be thrown off our current positions?

(just like when we jerk if a moving car stops suddenly)

Middle Kingdom

2006-09-16T15:18:00.000+08:00

>> i have been like procrastinating forever on this post; i think i'm just gonna post it. incomplete, of course.

it has already been some time when i flew to the Middle Kingdom and back. the Middle Kingdom; just a more fancy name for zhong guo, china.
here are the details of my visit:

well, what can i say, i was so happy when i could read the japanese equivalent of "bon voyage" at changi airport; 楽しいご旅行をどうぞ　[ありがとう!]
we boarded the plane, one of the Boeing 737 species. it was not as big as the name suggests though; it was only 6 abreast with an aisle down the middle. the stewardesses all go "早上好" as you enter. i wanted to say "好、好" in reply but nothing escaped my lips so i just smiled ~~stupidly~~.

breakfast or lunch or brunch was beef, cauliflower, broccoli, mushroom, paprika and the other stuffs they usually give during flights: bread, salad, fruits. if you really want to know, the flight attendants have red and dark blue pinafores, with a white blouse beneath. it's... quite neat. my chinese is becoming a little too rusty. i needed 5 seconds to process their question ("yao he shen me yin liao?") Oh crap.

[you chang you chou][the chapter about how i was dissatisfied with the airport staff]

this must be the first time ever i yelled at someone i don't know in chinese. okaaaaaaaaaay. not yell exactly. more like "cried indignantly". i cleared the health authorities, the immigration officers (aka passport stampers){she didn't say a word to me, didn't smile at me, just scrutinized my face like as if i had "Princess Adeline Irisis Fercossa Audythien" for my name in my passport or i had 3 eyes and the photo of me in the passport didn't> and went ahead to pick our luggage from the belt. i waited what seemed like eternity, stealing a few glances at the immigration counters. my eyes couldn't register my parents but i thought that was probably due to my failing eyesight. at last i saw them seated on a bench outside the toilets atwixt the health authorities & immigration counters. i walked down the lane of one of the unmanned counters and called out to them. one of the airport staff tried to shoo me off but i pointed to my relatives and tried to explain what i was doing there. she told me to stand over at the baggage are. "我父母在等我！" I said. luckily i caught their attention.

Xiamen International Airport isn't far from Changi International Airport in terms of cleanliness and design of the interior. we're only short of carpets and aircon. don't forget the (free usage of the) telephone & internet.

the toilet was most memorable. you press a green button at the back, the plastic enveloping the seat frame slides clockwise and becomes stationary after one oscillation. hence, each patron's posterior comes into contact with only his/her particular region of plastic. totally cool. wonder what sort of toilets kikawa is using over at iwate.

our guide received us at the airport. a chinese guy who looks to be in his late twenties; "小張", he calls himself. our luggage went into the trunk of minDB1330.

>> haven't even gotten to the actual tour yet, long winded standalone prologue =P

gay

2006-09-16T15:15:00.000+08:00

why are male homosexuals called "gay"? is it because they are merrier than solely heterosexuals?

musashi no hanashi

2006-09-16T12:57:00.000+08:00

i just dug out one of my exercise books, and inserted within were several pieces of A4 paper: short (and incomplete) stories it turned out.

this one was supposed to be the "answer" to an o level question:

5(a) "But you promised!" she cried. "I will never trust you again."

Passersby stared quizically at the lampost she was yelling at, but to Myrdith Noden, as the woman was called, she was not yelling at the unresponsive structure by the road as the others had thought.

Myrdith Noden was screaming down the ear of a man she had just met weeks ago, a man whom others could not see. He was a towering figure, clad in a crisp formal suit with a perfectly positioned tie and stiff pants, complete with a pair of polished classic leather shoes. The man had a kind, good-natured but weathered face, a little pale, where wrinkles ran across his forehead and a welcoming smile on his on his upturned lips. What Myrdith did not notice was his feet, both about a hand's length above the ground.

"You. Broke. Your. Promise!" she said through gritted teeth, emphasizing every word.

The man drifted backwards, as if her words had driving force.

"I WANT..." Myrdith cried but felt a hand over her mouth.

"Brind her in," someone said.

Her mind faintly registered the shutting of doors before darkness enveloped her thoughts.

The room smelt like the rest of the hospital - medicine, sterilising solution and latex gloves. Everything looked cheery, bright flowers in the vase, curtains imprinted with fluffy clouds even the doctor sitting behind the desk appeared merry. The only thing that was not cheerful was Myrdith. Her head spun and she had difficulty focusing her vision.

"So... you're Myrdith Noden," the doctor said with a smile.

Myrdith nodded. "Yes...," she murmured.

"Feeling ok?"

"Better...," she managed to reply.

After a moment of silence, the doctor asked, "Can you tell me if anything significant happened to you recently?"

She seemed hesitant, but nodded. "Yes. There was an old man. Simply followed me all the way home. Couldn't get rid of him, it seemed..."

The doctor's smile never left his face. "And then?"

>> it stops there, there was another "answer" to the same question.

5(a) "But you promised!" she cried. "I will never trust you again."

General Zhou Yuan clasped his cloak on, wondering what on earth his daughter was ranting about. The general had a reputation for being forgetful, so on occasions, his daughter would remind him of promises he never made. He wondered if this was one of them.

"What promise, Zhou Ling?" he asked wearily.

There was still a fair bit of time before dawn so the hall was lit with a dozen or so lanterns, their dim flickery light casting shadows in the hushed hall.

"You said you will not go to war," Zhou Ling replied.

Her father patted her head tenderly. "I'm sorry. This is the emperor's order."

"I won't allow you," the ten-year-old girl clutched his hand adamantly.

Zhou Yuan smiled wistfully, wondering if that was the last time he will set eyes on his daughter. Insolent, mischievous, rebellious: only child. He beckoned his wife, who had been standing in the shadows.

"Escort this little rascal back to her room."

"No!" she yelled her head off. "You'll be leading millions of people to their deaths..."

Zhou Ling's voice trailed off as her mother dragged her across the hall and pass the courtyard.

"Dad..."

Heaving a sigh, General Zhou Yuan picked up his sword and left the Zhou Manor.

"Would you believe it general? Your daughter followed you and your army all the way to Kuang Feng Valley."

Zhou Ling was handed over to the leader. Smirking, he continued. "I must admit that she is rather strong-willed, but of course, in seconds my able scouts had her under control."

"For heaven's sake, she's only ten," cried Zhou Yuan.

"Yes, ten only but so very useful..."

At this, Zhou Ling bit the hand that held her, her teeth clamping hard on the fingers of the person who had taken advantage of her father's love for her.

He wrenched his hand out, blood and saliva dripping, much to the horror of the audience.

"So?" he asked with amazing phlegm.

In answer, the general drew his sword.

With a smug smile, the leader did likewise.

The atmosphere became tensed as all eyes fixed upon them.

It was, however, not the general nor his opponent who broke the silence but Zhou Ling, having been momentarily forgotten.

"Stop," she asserted, positioning herself between them, her back to her father. "Don't fight."

"Move aside," the chief growled, he raised his sword till the tip pointed towards Zhou Ling's chest.

"Zhou Ling! Don't!" General Zhou cried.

She stood firmly on the ground, not budging an inch.

The sword flashed and in that fateful second, impaled the body of Zhou Ling.

intellectual

2006-08-20T01:05:00.000+08:00

who do you consider an intellectual?
someone who's well read? who's delved into politics? or perhaps religion? a Phd. holder? or someone who's pondered life's big questions?
whatever it is, i realise i really am quite ignorant. i haven't read the must reads (e.g. the da vinci code), i haven't exactly gone throught the whole bible (i'm a pathetic catholic, can someone fire me from the congregation or something so i wouldn't be obliged to attend mass every sunday?), and i don't give a hoot about politics.

all i care about is completing my assignments on time (but they usually get handed up off time anyway), studying japanese (this i do fervently), reading japanese comics, what goes into my stummick, trying not to offend my friends, composing substandard music, and reading the occasional fiction for maybe the 1st few chapters.

i'm an ignorant humanoid, trying to act like an intellectual (take definition in a general sense) with my heightened linguistic abilities. it's as good as a vacuum in my nutcase.

Mission Impossible IV: The Kimono Project

2006-08-20T00:29:00.000+08:00

i never once wrote about my life. (online)
i thought it too banal for my blog, and had no doubt that any visitor would just skim through with indifferent eyes.
and i have serious doubts about my ability to write.
my longest blog was but 239 words long.
i usually am lost for words when typing reports, and i wonder what my classmates throw in to make their wad of paper that thick. if making that 2000 word report was so difficult, i can forget about uni essays.
on top of the chronic (well, i think it is) verbal constipation, my reading speed has steadily decreased. is it because i'm doing more drawing than reading now?
the last few days have seen a frantic me working OT at the corridor with a big frame 175cm x 130cm (can't remember the exact dimensions)and a clothed stretched on it, waxing and painting away for my EDS (Experimental Design Studio). "Mission Impossible IV: The Kimono Project" it called it; well, mission accomplished, i'm glad to say. Waxing took me a day, painting took a day, measurements and dyeing of the sleeves and collar took half a day (i was working on MMMI in the morning), sewing took half a day (courtesy of my mum and grandma, no marks for them though)(the sewing was quite haphazard, that's what you get when you go at that speed). I was amazed myself at the time in which the garment was completed. That was only about 3 working days, from waxing to completion. Add about 2 days which i took to transfer the prints on paper to cloth and we have a large white squarish cotton from clementi made into a stunning (aha, not really) kimono (more like a yukata, since it's unlined, and wanting an under kimono).
i'm still typing the report *curses* and am taking a brief (questionable, i know) respite from facing verbal constipation in front of the Word document. succintness is not a desirable quality when you got to churn reports like this. bloody reports.
wow, 345 words.

shopping

2006-08-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

Tenderly, she caressed the crimson silk. It was smooth and warm, and it radiated a soft sheen, a beautiful lustre. She brought the fabric to her cheek, revelling in its touch -
The sensation disappeared. She opened her eyes.
"Add to cart?" A smoothly articulated voice said.
She stared at the hologram of an evening gown projected in front of her screen. The logo of the garment company floated at the top left.
"Yes." She mumured.

suicidal

2006-08-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

suicidal thoughts came unbidden to my mind. when i'm crossing a road, i look at the cars; "run me over", i tell them. when i'm in a tall building, i keep looking down at the ground floor, wondering how it would feel like to make an impromptu trip down. "shinutai", i keep telling myself. in those few moments, thoughts of pain were pushed aside. i had lost my appetite for life.

basic necessities

2006-08-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

the "philanthropist"

2006-08-05T22:55:00.000+08:00

thought

2006-07-31T21:17:00.000+08:00

when two bodies are attracted to each other, it isn't chemistry... it's gravity.

CAPITAL & town Letters

2006-07-12T10:19:00.000+08:00

i have this personal grudge against english. why must we begin a sentence with capital letters? why must names start with capital letters? above all, why must "i", as in "yours truly", be capital as well?
we have 26 small letters, and that's enough. no need for another 26 more.

目

2006-07-12T10:09:00.000+08:00

i hate it when people don sunglasses. i can't see their eyes. it feels like they're blocking out my attempts to read their emotions - i can't even tell if they're looking at me. (the psychological power of "the gaze"?)
i can't tell if they're sleeping, looking at me, glaring at me... i can only infer from the surrounding facial muscles what thoughts they are currently thinking.
perhaps a large part of sensing other people's emotions involves observing their eyes...
but then again, is it really imperative to know how others are feeling/thinking?

Poetical Mood

2006-07-01T16:41:00.000+08:00

Heirs and heiresses
of infinite stupidity
Inherit us
the core of humanity
Thoughtless actions
Mindless deeds
Our brash desires
quick to feed

There seems to be
a finality
to this miserable life of mine
A feeling that
it will all get
just anything but fine
The starting line's
not far behind
yet i can see the end
A trip ahead
expenses paid
to hell that's me they'll send

Normal Students

2006-06-24T17:59:00.000+08:00

Normal. Normal Academic and Normal Technical.
Students in these streams would be usually looked upon as substandard.
Why then, did they put the "normal" in? Why is the bulk of the students in "express"?
Is this some psychological bull---- to make us think we're good?
I don't know.

Linguistically Speaking Scrawling I

2006-06-24T17:50:00.000+08:00

Linguistically Speaking III

2006-05-24T10:32:00.000+08:00

Is the glass half full or half empty?

Perhaps it is more of a linguistical question than a psychological question...
I mean, one would usually say: "It's half filled with water." You might say it's half empty if it had once been full.

On top of that, this question may only be valid for certain languages... I can't imagine how to phrase it in chinese!
杯子半满还是半空?
半空的!
You are more likely to say: 半杯水 [half a cup of water] "half a cup of air" would be totally weird.

[note: i'm using chinese because that's about the only valid language i can compare english with. my japanese's not worth mentioning. correct me if i'm wrong ^^]

Is the glass half full or half empty?
How about "it's 125ml water and 150cm3 air..."

Piglet and Sow

2006-05-22T11:52:00.000+08:00

"What is the meaning of life?" asked the piglet.
The sow thought for a while. "To eat and sleep, my child. To be."

"What is the purpose of life?" asked the piglet.
"To be life for humans," replied the sow. "Food."

"What happens after we become food?" asked the piglet.
"We'll be washed down the sewers," answered the sow simply. "Take comfort, child. At least we know where we're headed. Humans don't."

Hypocrite

2006-05-21T20:58:00.000+08:00

O Thou of the treacherous heart,
Wherefore sustain thy acts?
Meaningless & empty,
Thy hands link not to thy heart.

Thou meanst not what thou say,
Thy lips betray thy soul.
Leave! O nocuous weed!
Let those who remain flourish.

Chess

2006-05-19T15:54:00.000+08:00

He took a draught from his goblet. "Your turn."

The person sitting at the other end of the table raised his eyebrows. He raised his finger, a slight breeze tugging at the long sleeve of his white toga-like gown, and motioned at one of the pawns on the large globe-like "chess board". The pawn shifted slightly. His gaze returned to his chessmate, draped in black and lying lazily on his cloud chair, looking as if he had not a care in the world. "HERE," he said.

HIs opponent made a swift gesture at one of the pawns. "Hmm. Decision made to make that novel a movie. He smiled. "What are your followers going to do?" He let out a laugh.

"DON'T GET TOO COCKY YET, LUCIFER." he said. "WHAT MY PEOPLE WILL DO, THEY WILL DO IN DUE TIME."

"Whatever you say." Said the devil with a smile. "It's your turn."

Equations

2006-05-17T00:30:00.000+08:00

+ - x /

if an apple a day keeps the doctor away,
half an apple a day would...

+ - x /

Linguistically Speaking II

2006-05-15T23:49:00.000+08:00

All my life i thought 铁 (tie3) was translated as "metal" in English.

But after watching Chinese shows on TV, i saw that names such as 铁蛋 (tie3 dan4) was translated as "iron egg" (instead of "metal egg"); and 铁沙掌 was translated as "iron sand palm" (instead of "metal sand palm"). I then came to the conclusion that:

铁(tie3)= iron

as for the generic term:

金属(jin1 shu3)= metal

钢(gang1)= steel

If you're born and bred in China, or simply are more versed than me in Chinese, you may not find this an eye-opener at all. In that case, pardon me and read some other post or blog.

Linguistically Speaking I

2006-05-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

In Chinese, there is no such word as "yes" or "no".

If someone asks: Have you eaten? [你吃了嗎?]
You will either answer: I have eaten. [我吃了。] or I have not eaten. [我還沒吃。]

If someone asks: Do you have it? [你有沒有﹖]
You will either answer: Have. [有。] or Don't have. [沒有。]

If someone asks: Are you Singaporean? [你是新加玻人嗎﹖]
You will go: (I) am. [(我) 是。] or (I) am not. [(我)不是。]

It seems all the romance languages (languages with latin roots?) have "yes" and "no".

Italian>>
yes: si
no: no

French>>
yes: oui
no: no

(must emphasize on the "seems", my linguistic expertise not quite there yet ><)

Yet, in Japanese:
yes: hai
no: iie

It's all in the roots, i think. Even though Japanese and Chinese both have Chinese characters (kanji) in their script, Japanese, essentially, is of a different linguistic lineage from Chinese.

[correct me if i'm wrong? =)]

Big Ad

2006-05-09T15:23:00.000+08:00

http://www.ad-awards.com/commercials/directory/categories/food_-_beverage/carlton_draught/commercials-26-156.html

you'll regret not watching it.

Bibliotucker

2006-05-09T12:53:00.000+08:00

"READ ME! READ ME!!!" the books on my shelves (and under the bed and inside the cupboard) scream evertime i step into the room.

"Grrrrrrr," i growl. "Take a number and wait patiently, i'll attend to you one by one."

1 = The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding Your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life's Hurdles (152.32REI)
2 = Shaman King 2
3 = Shaman King 3
4 = Shaman King 4
5 = Shaman King 5
6 = Shaman King 6
7 = Shaman King 7
8 = What Color Is Your Parachute Workbook (Richard Nelson Bolles) (331.7BOL)
9 = The Handmade Book (Angela James) (q686.3JAM)
10= Your Intelligence Makeover: an easy way to learn all you need to know (Edward F. Droge, Jr.) (152.822DRO)
11= How to Draw Manga: Macromedia Flash Techniques, illustrating bishoujo characters (741.5HOW)
12= Your Magickal Name: using astrology, numerology, myth, and meaning to choose the perfect one (813.13VEG)
13= [PENDRAGON] [5] Black Water (D.J. MacHale)
14= [PENDRAGON] [6] The Rivers of Zadaa (D.J. MacHale)
15= Patently Ridiculous: Scuba-diving Dogs, Beerbrellas, Musical Toothpaste, and Other Patented Strokes (608.1ROS)
16= The Tipping Point: how little things can make a big difference (Malcolm Gladwell) (301.151GLA c.2)
17= The Bible (???.??GOD)
18= Saving Fish From Drowning (Amy Tan)
19= Hajime No Ippo: first steps in Japanese (819.956HAJ c.2)
.
.
.

Perhaps i should add a "Speed Reading For Denetics" to the top of the list.

O Namae wa...?

2006-05-08T23:47:00.000+08:00

artist + linguist + minstrel = arinstrel
think it pretty sums up everything.
and there's no trace of it on the net, at least, none that yahoo could locate.